Stress Test: Let the Most Frazzled Win

By Julia Sommerfeld
12/17/2006

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15808494/

Millions of Americans are so stressed they don’t have time for, among other things: lunch, vacation, sleep, exercise, or time with their family.

One thing they do have plenty of time for? Talking about how stressed they are.
Sure, we all say we’re after a less-stressed existence. We squeeze in a yoga session every now and then and take whiffs of serenity-scented candles. But the truth is, we’ve got a love-hate relationship with stress. We love to say how much we hate it. It is chic to be stressed; it’s the new way of keeping up with the Joneses.

You know the script. If you mention you worked until 10pm, your co-worker ups the ante to 10:30. If you are up to your neck in e-mail, she’s up to her eyeballs. If you are tied in knots, someone else’s knots are bigger, tighter, and knottier.

The rat race has a new finish line. It’s not who gets there first, but who’s the most hassled along the way.

Stress has come to equal success; people are now determining their self-worth on how busy they are and how much they have to do.

Competitive stressing seems to blend two of our favorite pastimes: bragging and complaining.
When someone goes on about how he works 14 hours a day and doesn’t see his family and hasn’t had a vacation and doesn’t get any sleep and, by the way, has 2,000 unopened e-mails, what he’s really saying is: I’m a very important and valuable person. But he’s also doing it in such a way that garners sympathy.

Stress is also a handy ready-made excuse for all sorts of bad behaviors, from being grumpy to making a mistake. You are so frazzled you only got four hours of sleep, after all.

Wearing stress as a badge of honor can also serve as a defense mechanism. When you show the world you are totally stressed out you’re sending out a signal: Don’t give me any more stuff to do.

It is hard not to get sucked into the competitive stress cycle. If everyone is getting coffee and saying, ‘Oh, I haven’t slept in days, I didn’t have time to eat lunch, I’m so busy I haven’t seen my husband in a week,’ you don’t want to be the one who’s like, oh, I slept great!

Experts doubt that competitive stressors are suffering from stress as much as they let on.
If a person really had a major stress, they don’t really talk about it. If you do, the reputation is you aren’t all that stressed and simply need to build up the experience.

Today society values being busy and having an important job, stress has become the new status symbol. As with all status symbols, the more insecure you are, the more you tend to flash them about. You’re more likely to hear an associate spouting off about stress than a partner, and a young staffer talking about sleep deprivation than the CEO.

The very act of complaining about stress can make your life feel more stressful. In the long run most of us would be healthier and happier if we disentangled ourselves from the competitive stress cycle.

Start by practicing not complaining for one week, you may feel a bit lonely at first because you aren’t part of the conversation, but you’ll start feel strengthened and empowered.

So, for instance, when someone at work says, “I’m so tense, I didn’t get any sleep last night,” instead of trying to outdo them, say simply: “I sure hope things get better for you.”

That doesn’t mean you should bottle things up, but vent to people who actually care and can help.

Just remember that next time you are tempted to one-up an overworked, overwhelmed and overly tired co-worker, ask yourself: Is this a contest I really want to win?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15808494/